Posted by: madamm | September 14, 2007

*&! you, pay me

They’ve got the right idea. If someone payed me almost R200 per percentage point of kilograms I lost, I’d probably be able to start my own show. And I’d make it all about me. And how I got payed to get rid of the *Herbert family.

If everyone got paid to lose weight, we’d have less problems. Our policeman wouldn’t be rolypolying around and everyone would have money, so they wouldn’t see a need to steal anybody’s car or cellphone. It would foster a healthy economy because healthy competition principles would see little fat kids going: “My BMI is a quarter less than yours this week Mervin! I’m going to get enough money to buy me a Brussel Sprout! Wêla Kapêla!”

We’d all be happier. We’d all have money. And McDonalds would have to serve four litres of water with every Big Mac they sell. Some people would obviously take it too far and end up weighing the same as a cashew nut, but we’d have places for those types too.

At the end of the day, the only people allowed to be fat, are pregnant women. Everybody will rub up on their bellies, yearning to know what it feels like to be fat.

* They’re a family of multiple fat rolls.



  1. But we mos had the conversation of healthy food being expensive. They should just make healthy food cheap and make junk food expensive. That would do the trick too.

  2. LOL. Weigh the same as a cashew nut. You are hilarious Mrs M. Had a real good laugh at this one!! I agree Toby – make junk food expensive and healthy stuff cheap!!

  3. That’s it. THe only way we will lose wieght is if those slap chips dripping in oil costs R40 a packet and a lean mean little meal of veggies costs R7.
    Where do I sign up?!

  4. Maybe we should open a store…

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