Posted by: madamm | August 31, 2007

A little more careless

Well it’s the last day of August and I am glad (for once). There’s been some progress regarding my visa processing, but I don’t want to say too much about that in case I have to wait another decade before I hear anything again. Someone I don’t know very well but know through my colleagues told me yesterday that she thought I was divorced.

I must say I was quite baffled when I heard that but thought nothing of it afterward. I also saw correspondence in which she was informed that I was on my “second honeymoon”which is why I was away. I guess I kinda see how that could’ve happened.

I’ve also returned to work with a bit of a new outlook on things. Of course the hectic newsroom life continues and I still have deadlines (and hangups) but everytime something happens and I continue to mull over what I’ve said and how I could’ve said it better and think: “Why did I say that?” or “I wonder what they think of me now?” I stop myself. And say: “Mrs M, stoppit. Stop caring.”

So far it’s worked. It’s not that I don’t care, I think I have extreme hangups with myself, my presentation and social blunders I could’ve avoided. But it’s become so bothersome, the way I care about things I say or how I say them or whatever. And I thought to myself (yes, I’m 25 and only realised this now): “Nobody probably gives what you said a second thought, so why the fuck do you care?????”

And now, even though deep down, I probably still care that I may have sounded boastful or that I’ve said too much, I just don’t care anymore. It’s rather liberating.


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