Posted by: madamm | July 12, 2007

For the Birds

Is there anything wrong with not enjoying idle chatter?

I mean, seriously. I don’t like small talk ONE LITTLE BIT. My dad and I always joke around the time of the year my highschool invites us to the school musical: it’s time for the small talk festival.

Brace yourself for the I-am-trying-not-to-yawn-while-I-talk-about-things-I-have-no-interest-in moments. I mean, you could use small talk (in any given situation) as an opportunity to sell yourself. And by that mean, brag. Tell ém you just got back from the Himalayas, where you promoted your sixth book about the Hermeneutics of Postmodernity.

Say your job interests you but its really more of a hobby since you’ve found working toward that creative flair is more your thing but that you never pursued it because the art teacher was the modern-day equivalent of Hitler, albeit a very gypsy-like Hitler.

Small talk is the pits. I don’t want to talk about how cold it is anymore, I think it’s been established that it is in fact, winter, and that it is not abnormal to have freezing toes at this time of the year.

I don’t want to talk about how I can’t cook, because admitting to any shortcoming makes me feel like my trip to the Himalayas was quite useless. And there’s nothing worse than feeling useless.

I have the honour pleasure gap to talk small again tonight at something or other computer launch where art meets state of the art. It’s amazing how anything can be combined with…er…anything these days. Think black stockings pink sandals. Salad as desert.Beyonce-one phone two-functions-Linkin Park-JayZ- Carpe-Diem and Death orBushmen-scoring-tries. It’s all possible. It’s all there.

I wonder if there”ll be attempts to discuss the weather tonight. I’ll be trying to minimize additions to my omentum, maybe I’ll warn others with prawn springrolls and sweet chilli sauce in their hands. That should either get them talking or staring at me in disbelief. Small talk is for the birds.



  1. Small talk is a fine art that I’ve never managed to master. I can easily kill a conversation by breathing if it’s just small talk. Here are some tips:
    – So how about that Najwa Petersen. Wouldn’t you do your hair and thighs for a funeral?
    – Do you think these walls are exactly alike?
    – I want to start a petition to have Table Mountain included in the next Wonders of the World competition. Wanna join?
    – Do you think this prawn springroll tastes slightly funny?

    But that’s just my advice…

  2. brilliant…prawn springrolls that taste funny!!
    I like the Najwa one as well…or, I think these launches are SO overrated, springroll, anyone?

  3. I nogals have lus for springrolls now…

  4. Mrs M ponders springrolls, and buys a jacket potato with bacon bits

  5. Potato… *drool*

  6. *mrs m thinks about her next meal then realises her omentum may not agree.*

  7. omentum?

  8. the skin in the belly- on Oprah

  9. oe…you also know all these weird words.

  10. ja, my favorite is schadenfreude though

  11. Small talk really sucks, I agree. Luckily I am well known as a biatch who says whatever, so people don’t ask me things they don;t want the answers to. I don;t do idle polite chit chat – at all.

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