Posted by: madamm | June 14, 2007

Your Basic Nightmare*

Toby Hanks recalls her Mills and Boon reading days. I too recall a few paragraphs of quivering thighs on the Orient Express (okay, that was murder) but damn. What was I thinking?

I wasn’t thinking at all, I was just reading what was out there. So it should come as no suprise therefore that I  had a scarily large collection of the Sweet Valley twins series. From their middle school days where Jessica Wakefield thought Aaron would think she is hideous with her new glasses, to Sweet Valley High where Todd Wilkins was the star of the basketball team and Sweet Valley University where the ever-elusive (handsome) brother, Steven Wakefield impregnated his flatmate Billy Winkler (possible relation to Heinz unclear).

Anyway, I loved all the stories. Like Lila’s stinking rich dad who bought her all the wonderful things she wanted, to Bruce Patman who exuded both the confidence and arrogance of say…Draco Malfoy.
While reading these, it never did cross my mind just how far from reality those damn books were. Seriously. I think Jessica Wakefield is in an institution today. She’s had so many boyfriends who just keeled over and died since the age of sixteen, the common denominator was bound to hit her smack bang in the face soon enough.
Elizabeth Wakefield was arrested for drunk driving when she was sixteen ( killing another one of Jess’s boyfriends on that fateful night). But as the story goes, she’s soaking in the Californian sunshine as we speak. Free as a bird. I bet Francine Pascal didn’t see that Paris Hilton nommer coming.

Then they get stalked by a murderer and drive off a cliff like Thelma and Louise. And live to tell the tale. I was just so enthralled. ‘Til one day, I’d had enough. That day is very similiar to the day I realised I can’t watch KtV (you and me) anymore. It’s just not cool anymore you know?

So goodbye it was to Elizabeth and Jessica…I hope they still have their mom Alice’s all-round girl-California-sunshine-kissed good looks. But even so, I hope Elizabeth is smokin’ dope with a kid on the arm to prove that she got rid of her (b)anality and blue Oxford shirts. And I hope Jessica is a medical doctor- feminist-person who is not interested in any kind of commitment with men.

*An actual title from an SVH book by Francine Pascal.



  1. I never got that much into Sweet Valley High. It was too blonde and girly. So much oestrogen. But Nancy Drew was very cool as was the Hardy Boys and the Bobbsey Twins. But I know that “exact moment” of which you speak. It was epiphanous I tell you.

  2. Like…I’m growing up now…

  3. Exactly like that, yes. Like…I am so over this…

  4. Like…SO over it. What a tosser…who said that again? hee hee

  5. Ooooh sweet valley high. I’ve almost forgotten that I read that. Not sure if I could get myself through one of those books now, I think it would meet the wall with a thud in a hurry. 😉

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