Posted by: madamm | May 12, 2007

About this and that

The usual R&R-feeling you get from being able to sleep a little later than usual on a Saturday morning has eluded me today.
On my plate I have a variety of complicated helpings, and I realise this time, there is no way I’m going to be able to hide the peas under the rice.
So, before I get started on all of these, I thought it a good idea to write it all out, so that it is both clear in my head and on cyber-paper.
Firstly my husband and I are going through an incredibly difficult time with regard to our visa process. We’ve been married for two months, he is an American citizen and I am South African. We met in 2005 when I was studying in the US for a while.Anyway things are a little rough at the moment- we’re through with Skype/msn/yahoo and Telkom/At&T. It’s that simple. We’ve been using all of them (oh and SAA and American Airlines in between) for a whole year and a half already. And it is no longer enough. Letters from the Immigration office stating that our process (that being that I will be able to join him in the US)will take as long as forever has added to the immense frustration and fueled heated conversations. And all we can do is wait. Really, that’s all we have left. A whole long period of time between now and then. And it’s hard. I didn’t think it would be, but it is. It becomes harder when I have nothing to tell people who are simply taking an interest in my life ( I realise that). It’s difficult to talk about it – because there is absolutely nothing C or I can do about it. It makes me feel like a loser (which I realise that I most certainly am not). But I feel like that because I find myself in a situation completely in the control of somebody I don’t know. It’s one of the worst situations I can think of right now, but I guess that’s because this is my reality and that there are worse things out there- like losing your job/losing somebody you love/going to jail or being raped. So, I’m not ungrateful, I’m just perplexed about it all.
Then, second in line is my masters thesis. I’ve been trying to complete this since last year. And while it’s been very hard for me as well, I used to think I had all the motivation in the world, and that I would be able to finish it all right. At the moment, there is one obstacle in particular- the suggestion that I change the focus of the study- that is bothering me. Realistically, I’m afraid that I just won’t be able to deal with that right now.
And then there are one or two miscellaneous things, like friends who drain the very life out of me that’s got me thinking that I need to make some very difficult decisions in the future.Also, I just realised this morning, that I’m coming down with my annual cold- which accompanied by the genetic onslaught of irritating hayfever- is really kak timing.

But while it seems that I’m heading for breakdownville, I really am not. I’ve decided to turn all of these into positive challenges. There will come a time when things are alright again. It might even be tomorrow. And that’s what I’m hanging onto for now.



  1. If anyone can turn it around, it’s you MrsM. Just think: once you’ve weathered all these mini-storms, you’re going to be so bored with your happy life. In a few months you’ll be with your hubby and your thesis will be done. It will be all over then. Think of this as the bad bits that make the good bits so much better. And never lose faith (not necessarily of the religious kind).

  2. dear toby,
    thank you for your kind words!i feel better today (still sick…) but things are better today.

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